Attack of the Lady Schick

Tony's Story:
I had just been elected to the Poway City Council in San Diego and my wife and I were attending a convention for California elected officials in Monterey, California.  We were about to go to dinner when my wife said, "Let me groom you."

She sat me down on a chair as she pulled out her travel bag.  I assumed she was preparing to brush the few remaining hairs clinging to my nearly bare pate.  Suddenly I felt a strange scraping across the top of my head.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  After taking another couple of quick strokes she said, "I'm getting rid of these distractions."  I spun around on the chair, looked in the mirror, and to my horror, watched my wife quickly remove the last vestiges of hair from my head with her Lady Schick razor.

As I sat there stunned, staring at my hairlessness, she quickly defended her actions with a compliment I couldn't argue with.  She lovingly said, "You are such a distinguished man, those "distractions" only detracted from your good looks."  Well, what could I say, the hair was on the floor and my wife was telling me that I was better looking without it.

That shaving was one of the best things my wife has ever done for me.  Before that day, every mirror I passed revealed more scalp and ominously reminded me of my rapidly departing follicles.  My "part" was gradually migrating south toward my ear as I borrowed more and more hair from my temples to lay across my sparsely covered peak.

I remember at age 22, sitting in a state of shock and disbelief in the barber's chair in a shop at Hollywood and Vine when the barber said, "You're loosing your hair!"  His remedy was to put olive oil on my head - every day - and I did - along with every other phony product that was recommended or marketed over the next 20 years.  I even went so far as to have my wife's cousin bleach my hair white to "stimulate the follicles."

Now - I'm happy with my baldness!  I've been freed from the fear of hairlessness as I now shave the "distractions" from my head every week.  I watch the advertisements for wigs and hair replacement surgery and feel sorry for the men who are won over by pictures showing unhappy bald men transformed to cheerful hairy men with wigs or implants.  They spend thousands of dollars to become what they were not meant to be and spend the rest of their life wondering if people are noticing the hair plugs or wig line.

Millions of dollars are spent on medication that may or may not retard the process.  One thing is for sure, these unhappy men will spend their life searching the mirror and drain for hair loss and lose the precious time they spend worrying about it.

I'm agitated by this industry that advertises that I am less attractive and romantically impaired as a result of my unencumbered crown.  Valerie, my wife of 28 years, can attest to the fact that their representations are fraudulent.

Do yourself a favor, if you're nearly bald, if your distractions are just that, go for "perfection" and get a life.  You will be amazed at how relieved you'll feel when you stop holding on to that which is destined to leave.  Would you try to grow a beard if it was splotchy or thin?  Of course not!  Then why let anything distract from your attractive smile and blossoming personality.

E-mail our editors your story and "smiling" picture today.